I had to write about my enthusiasm to celebrate one year on since chemotherapy ended! Last year, on the 21st June 2012, I was finishing off the last of the 6 month ABVD chemotherapy process. The last one was exciting because I had my PIC line taken out and also it was a very quick procedure as all the chemotherapy had turned up on time and I shot through my 4 types of chemo to finish the cycle!
Now one year on, I can reflect on how lucky I am, how much I have changed but also how slow it has been when returning to the strength I used to posses. The year after chemo can be a massive struggle thanks to the limitations placed on your body after such heavy treatment. It’s also hard to relate to people because the trauma of losing a sense of self, the toxins, pain etc – it’s just not that easy to share with everyone.
I had a great opportunity to rest in Ibiza (second home) at my grandmother’s after chemo. Although initially stressful, it ended up being 5 beautiful weeks of sunshine and recuperation. I then left for Geneva to take up a nanny job. I’m not sure what went through my mind taking up a job that would require a lot of energy and also being away from home after such an intense 7 months, but the choices we make are often led by something other than the heart. Either way I completed the 3 months out there, and returned to London where I moved in with my boyfriend.
It’s interesting, I feel I have been running on a treadmill since returning to London. Not because of stress, but because I am ready to let go of all the unnecessary baggage and finally relax into being me. I feel when you make such a choice, life will present you with the ‘same old same old’ problems so you can see how you have transformed the way you REACT to them. Its become obvious to me that it’s not about the environment changing and problems magically disappearing, it’s about how you are internally shifting beliefs, thoughts and perceptions of the world so you react differently to what happens around you.
For example, I have not shifted the 2 stone I put on after chemotherapy. My hair is crazy, curly and short, I live in a flat full of issues (including dead rats…) and I am still banging my head against the invisible wall so I can let go of old habits. However, over these last 6 months in 2013, I have shifted the way I react to the same problems. I don’t make myself horribly wrong for being over-weight, I don’t feel immense guilt anymore or try to run away from the now. It’s like the emotional charge has reduced so I can finally slip into my body and being me.
Some of the things I have done since finishing chemo and feel have had a profound impact on me include, Potentiation, Chi Gung, A Laughing Buddha Retreat, EFT, continuing working with Phil and being honest with myself. Ultimately all of these external forces of help or support have been down to me getting to know myself once more and remembering my power. Life is about empowering yourself authentically and living a life through your heart.
Trust your gut, your instincts, that inner knowing that all will be well. Listen to that rhythm deep within, the heart breathing and warmth of your inner light. Even if you don’t know how to, intend to.
If you’re presently going through chemo, feel free to get in touch. Always happy to hear stories, share insights and listen.
I would like to thank my family profusely for all their support, Venusrox for believing in me and whatever force of life is standing next to me and whispering – you are loved and supported – keep going!
Have a wonderful weekend,
Further Reading & Links
www.thehappinesscentre.com – These guys are brilliant for Chi Gung classes in Shepherds Bush, London and they also organise the Laughing Buddha Retreats. The weekend is set up in Sussex and was simply beautiful, relaxing and full on connections and light. Highly recommend.
www.venusrox.com – I can’t say enough about this shop. If you admire, collect or simply wish to see a showroom full of the finest crystals in the World, you have to go! This showroom is tucked away behind Portobello Road and I feel is one of the most brilliant ways to invest in you. From the bracelets on my arm to my wise chunk of Astrophyllite at home, these guys know what they are talking about.