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Leading a Double Life

2015-04-18 14.16.06

My handmade card for my granny’s 80th

Recently I have read many accounts of people’s lives before they became their true selves. Healers, leaders, entrepreneurs – all share a common theme. They were living a lie where they tried to squash their beautiful spirits into the world of logic and normality. They did everything according to the rules and then one day, their soul came knocking and began to pester them daily.

Hello – here I am! This is me! Wake up! Look what’s gifts I have for you! You are intuitive, energy. You are amazing! For some this came in the shape of an epiphany, for others a NDE and some just in a dream or mediation. For those that listened and took a leap of faith into the world of magical wisdom plus lead their lives based on the metaphysical truth, I salute you! Well done, you became you. I know it wasn’t easy, I read your books.

You see I listen and absorb every inch of detail when it comes to living the alternative life. Yet when it comes to my life I didn’t listen or don’t. I meditate, I am a vegetarian, I have amazing insightful dreams, I write my diary everyday and I occasionally blog. I’ve been told I’ll be a great composer of words, helpful perhaps too. I’ve see the cosmic worlds and even been told I am part of the great mountain that stands towering over all galaxies. For when you are that mountain you will always see the bigger picture. I’ve had incredible healing sessions, countless experiences opening me up to the hidden realm of energy. I’ve also had cancer, depression, anxiety and numerous life dramas on a very dramatic scale.

So why, why am I living a lie? Awaiting for God’s finger to point at me through the clouds and say “behold, this is your real life, now go live it! I choose you”. That must be my ego speaking but that longing to have a clear message and sign, like all these amazing spiritual gurus and light workers share, just hasn’t arrived. So I wait for it and it’s got me in a mess. Conflicts have arisen, I become numb and I lie about who I really am or am compassionate about. Why? Because I don’t see how to fit all this information into a tin that will then work with the financial world, career, health and nature. I don’t know how to translate what I hold within me to the external world. Nothing calls me in the ‘real world’. No art, jobs or people. I feel isolated yet I dream of my true community, I hear the Earth speak to me and I get it – this is my time to be me fully.

Ah the double life mystery. No wonder I’m so lost. There is Natalie sitting waiting with no money or work and no zest for life in this realm and a Natalie who is fully connected, knowing and joyful for she sees the bigger picture. I need to stop lying, what am I waiting for? The green light? The green man telling me it’s now okay to walk?

I see you Natalie and I and you are the same. We will work this out but for now I lead a double life and it’s rather painful.

Do you do the same? If so please let me know what it took for you to find the investment that perfectly matched your heart’s desire to express itself completely. What did it take? An external “thing” choice or just a radical shift in your beliefs and perception? Thank you – with love x

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