Today I finished my 6a session of chemotherapy at the Catherine Lewis Centre – Hammersmith Hospital, leaving me with just one more to go! I am so happy, despite feeling rotten in bed, because deep down in my heart I am so relieved that this is all coming to an end. I still have to get the all clear 3 weeks after I finish my last session but I feel very optimistic that the Hodgkins Lymphoma -lymph node cancer – has gone for good. I no longer feel any lumps on my right collarbone but I never could feel the other lumps, which were growing on my chest…Still I believe they have all returned to their normal natural state and my mid way scan confirmed this is how it’s looking.
Chemo day is always tough but today I managed to remain calm, centred and patient. Being in the NHS is of course a Godsend, they are saving you after all plus all the drugs or medication is free which makes one feel very grateful. However it doesn’t stop you feeling like a statistic sometimes and the best way to deal with it is to smile and value the wonderful nurses who dedicate their daily energies to healing patients.
I often wish I could write on here with a magic formula on how to best get through chemotherapy but so far my biggest lesson is – let it be because everything is as it should be. The more relaxed you are, the more you take care of yourself and the more you can just be with what ever is occurring in your body, the more peaceful you become.
There are so many books around telling you how to beat cancer, how to avoid cancer, how to get through chemotherapy and I have hardly read any of them. I think I went into a state of mind thinking I had to just find my own way of getting through this. I do have a very supportive family and mother, who is a brilliant nurse, and the best bit about my family has been their support towards me no matter what’s going on with me. From ending up in hospital and being there for me every step of the way to having a day where I am completely down in the dumps with little will to carry on.
Writing has also been a brilliant way for me to translate the noise in my head and allow any negative thoughts to go else where – as in my diary! This way of documenting the progress I have made fills me with joy because I can see subtle changes and acknowledge this change. One huge lesson I have finally let sink in has been to trust my instincts. I am still practicing the listening process but when I can hear my gut instincts and that deep inner wisdom, I feel safe and it allows me to gently remember the bigger picture.
So now I face another 2 weeks of being in an uncomfortable body but it’s all a lesson. I am also in the process of reading Gamma Healing by Chris Walton – a brilliant book highlighting the power of the subconscious and the importance of updating our subconscious beliefs to correlate with our conscious daily lives. Our subconscious is filled with out of date core beliefs which we aren’t aware of but which have a huge impact on our daily lives. I’ll write a review soon.