I am filled with a sense of awe when I have visions that ‘bring me back to Earth’. I’ve spent the last 10 years wanting to get off Earth, to go home and to leave the chaos behind. In the last month I’ve came back to Earth, I’ve asked passionately for my life back and declared myself the captain of this ship. I’ve asked to be alive again – to breathe, live and experience what it is to fully live in alignment with my heart and truth. What is it to reclaim the moment?
I can happily declare it’s been such an incredible experience and now I can fully understand the concept of being grounded but it’s all still very much an ongoing process. For I believe many people, including me, become hooked into thinking they should be somewhere else, they don’t belong here and relating to Earth is too painful to the point of suicide. I only managed to drop my suicidal attitude a few months ago!
I’m daring to write this, to share my process over time because I am not alone on this journey and if I can do it, if I can come back to Earth and declare myself alive again or even human, anyone can. Why? Because I’ve been haunted by self-hate, suicide, cancer, depression, helplessness and a victim mentality for 20 years. I’m 29 now but since the age of 9 or even younger, I declared myself unworthy of my own life. Something felt ‘wrong’ about me and I misinterpreted my emotional intelligence for something dangerous.
Turning my back on myself led to a vacuum, a black hole between my heart and my head. I had a vision of myself turning my back to Natalie and declaring that I had to be someone else, I had to find another way of existing. Once this void was created, plenty of new limiting beliefs, painful emotions, dramas, illnesses etc come rushing in to fill it. Why? Because something had to wake me up and remind me that if I turn around I’ll find the answer.
It’s only now, at 29 years old I have realised the impact of this decision to turn against myself. Not only has it led to me being incredibly lonely, depressed and not working, it also led to me denying myself the chance to be me. I want to be there for people who don’t realise how powerfully their decisions about life colour their existence and consequently suffer tremendously. Who were you before you decided your weren’t good enough? Who were you before you thought you were ugly? Different? Lonely? Not human? In my case deciding I don’t know what I want, so I have to give in to other people’s realities.
Many people are on the path to self-empowerment and I’m excited to see more people taking responsibility for their lives. Yet I’m always weary of how the self-help industry, healers, wellness retreats etc have become a huge industry, often feeding people a false sense of hope that if they just read this book, did this course or met this healer they will find happiness or peace.
I am a strong believer that there is NO SECRET! There is no one method to cure you. If any secret exists it’s that actually – you are the secret! Because behind all healers, all courses, all books lies one message; you are the key. You are here to heal yourself and be yourself. Do what it takes but do not lose yourself along the way.
If only someone told me that back when I began splashing out a lot of money on trying to fix myself. But that was my lesson, to see that I am the answer. I’ve written this before on my blog but clearly it didn’t fully sink in, it didn’t become my reality – it remained in my logic. It’s also a slow process returning back to yourself and trusting yourself after years of defeat yet I know when you fully arrive ‘home’, you become strong, alive and even if the world doesn’t change, you are awake.
It’s been such a big lesson for me to notice that there is no one method to healing. This has been my personal revelation and it’s freed me from believing I need saving and the next person will cure me. It gave me space to explore, to pick up the messages I needed at the time and to complete my own jig-saw puzzle. I believe if we all held an attitude of being open-minded, curious and determined, we could all find what we need and not give our power away. I want to gift this to as many people as possible; it’s your path, it’s
This blog is now going to become the official place of abundance. I will share everything I have found out over the last 10 years. Not from a ‘how to’ perspective but from a place of curiosity and love of being alive. I would love to know what sparked your bridges to be built between realities and healings. What books did you read? What person did you meet? What was the message you needed to hear to empower your existence? Lets share and unite in the ultimate goal – to be fully awake, alive and happy on Earth.
p.s – I am always honest, open and raw with my words. I do not believe in one method cures all, but I do believe in you and your ability to be both teacher and student.