This is a little story I would like to share to demonstrate that I stand for evolution, growth and discovery. It’s a truthful story and an ongoing story because we are alive and constantly expanding.
One upon a time there lived a girl of 20 named Natalie. She would argue being Natalie was the hardest thing anyone has been asked to do on this strange planet. For Natalie struggled daily with herself and continuously found she was having arguments with a strange voice inside of herself that often told her she was ridiculous, fat and pathetic. Natalie could not understand the use of this loud God-like voice but believed every word to be true…
Now you might think this is normal, you too also have this voice of abuse, but Natalie once again would argue – her voice was the WORST.
Once her voice told her to just kill herself and leave Planet Earth as she clearly didn’t belong here… but then it said something even more painful:
“LOOK how pathetic you are, you can’t even kill yourself”.
It seemed no matter what Natalie did, the voice was always there, louder, stronger and as far as she was concerned, it had some red horns on its head too.
The voice was pure evil but Natalie thought it was normal. Because when she looked in the mirror all she could see was a failure, which meant the voice HAD to be right. She saw a sad girl with a fat face and fat thighs.
Being Natalie was horrible as far as Natalie was concerned. Nothing she did was right; she was scared of everything and every hour of the day felt like hell on Earth.
No, no one could possibly understand what being Natalie was like. It was punishment.
One morning Natalie woke up and the voice was gone…
‘Waw’ she thought ‘I have nothing to worry about’.
She opened her eyes from that blissful feeling and looked up at the peeling ceiling before a booming voice cackled in her head and said:
“You’re stuck with me. Look at you, ridiculous thinking you could get better and live without me. Who do you think you are, you need to loose weight, find a job, and for Christ’s sake work harder. You’re so stupid, I hate you -you ruin everything. If you don’t listen you wont get anywhere. You may as well be dead.”
By this point Natalie could hear nothing but hate in her head. Her eyes darkened, her shoulders slumped and her lips looked only south. Yes, Being Natalie was the worst possible punishment anyone could imagine. For that voice never went away. Once she even smashed her head against the bath so she could feel physical pain but nothing stopped that voice from making it’s claim on Natalie’s brain.
Poor Natalie, perhaps Being Natalie was the worst punishment known to man, for who would want to be told every waking moment that they are useless, fat and ugly? Who would want to feel continual guilt, suffering, misery and who would want to feel so incredibly lonely that death seemed like you’re only friend?
One day Natalie gave up. She put her hands up in front of her mother at the grand old age of 20 and declared “I surrender, I can’t do it anymore”.
Guess what the voice had to say to that?
“Fool, give up what? You can’t even kill yourself…”
Natalie thought Being Natalie had come to an end but little did she know that moment of surrender would change her life. For as soon as she told someone she had given up she discovered a world hidden from her view since birth. A world full of ancient wisdom, hope and light. She realised Being Natalie wasn’t so lonely and apparently lots of people had the very same voice which meant lots of people knew how to help Natalie Be Natalie. She just had to speak up…
Being Natalie suddenly became the topic of her life, a world to explore, hidden treasures waiting to be discovered. A mind, a body, a spirit and a heart, life was suddenly complex, a game, and a quest. Being Natalie was no longer just a voice; it was an opportunity to live.
It took one small step for Natalie to speak to someone and open up to the world about the hating voice before the path became clear. For 5 years now she has been looking beneath the Natalie Ocean that is her thoughts, habits, spiritual self and mind. To this day she sill finds her voice telling her off, criticize her and dragging her down. She now knows it’s her little person who is scared and so she welcomes it. For once the little voice appears Natalie knows it’s still there and that means there’s still plenty more to explore in the depths of Being Natalie.
Wish her luck for she is one of millions who has chosen to find peace within and to take one giant step for the greater peace of humanity. Being Natalie is Being human.