The greatest prayer is patience
– The Buddha
I just finished a meditation in my room and was attempting to connect with my higher self or my intuition yet felt completely blocked. I couldn’t even practice visualisation and only saw darkness with faint memories of my dreams last night. When I awoke the word I could hear was patience. I shrugged it off because at the moment I’m desperately trying to shift some deep rooted beliefs and attitudes but of course, patience is key in the process of bringing consciousness to your life as well as making big changes which you have been attached to for years and years.
It comes to the subject we deeply discussed in my psychotherapy & counselling class this week – Identity. I see how deeply I am attached to my identity of being lost, confused, different, poor, and desperate to be something and how this identity is physically attached to my way of being. On the other hand I have dreams and aspirations of being an entrepreneur, of bringing something new and fresh to our way of living and also of being happy…Even happily married! So these two elements of thinking are clashing with one another and I am in the process of mastering ways in which I can come to a harmonious agreement with myself to allow both to be yet not let one rule over the other. PATIENCE!! As I and all of us must remember – see life and change as a process not a race to escape the unpleasant realities of the now.
My dream last night involved being lost, getting on the wrong train, a map, a destination and absolutely no idea how to get there. I think I was also in Germany…I was lost yet asking and looking for ways to get there. At the same time I also felt slightly exhausted with an emotion flooding through me thinking this just isn’t possible, it’s such a long way round, how will I get there? The trains were going so fast, stopping here and there so I had to be quick in my decision making and at one point a woman got off with me to help me find a way but then the train left without her. Then I jokingly thought how this must be how a tourist feels in London on the weekend when there are hundreds of ‘planned engineering works’ consuming our public transport system so they have to find alternative routes which are no longer a simple train ride somewhere.
I didn’t remember the dream this morning but only in my meditation and when I look at it I can fill it with meaning from the significance of trains, destinations, maps, no simple route, sudden changes etc. I like to think that in terms of Natalie language it means there is no simple and easy way of discovering the path to the destination you seek. You can ask others or seek their knowledge on the area (I was in Germany after all) but in the end only you can experience the process of searching, exploring, ‘feeling’ lost or excited etc.
This life time is experienced through me and I’m tired of trying to be someone else so I can experience something more pleasurable, nice or just better. As I am learning, we all hold the answers, wisdom, insight and power to be, create or experience whatever we desire – good or bad. We all just need some help clarifying this for ourselves. Oh and a bit of patience and compassion along the way is also quite handy.
Today be patient with yourself.